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20.

Hello! I’m back! It’s been awhile, huh?

It’s been almost five months since my last post. Normally, I’d apologize for my disappearance but I figured not to this time since, I feel that doing so seems like I failed on an obligation, a responsibility, or something like that. I am trying to get back that feeling from my earlier blogging days where I just freely shared (perhaps overshared here and there) and realign with my blog vision that I think I haven’t been following. Does that make me a snob? I hope not. I’m allowed to sporadically blog, right? Besides, it seems like my blog has been one apology post after another. Let’s stop that and move on, yes? Yes!

Yesterday, I finally got myself to start digging through the thousands of photos I have on my external drive. I have been putting this off since one, I have a lot—and I mean, a lot!—of photos on my drive and two, the mere thought of sorting the photos I have to my three categories: photos to keep for memories, photos for my so-called “photography,” and photos to delete to free up some space for all my other present and future data (okay… tbh, by "data" I mean the KPOP content I download lol) seems so tedious already. And I am, if you haven’t already noticed, the laziest person in the world.

Anyway, I did do it, refreshed myself of the stories the photos have, and decided that I’ll be sharing those stories here on the blog. Kinda like a throwback of sorts? I’ll start off about my family going to a beautiful resort called Bali Bali.

Oh, before anything else, if you’re reading this post to plan your trip to the said resort, please note that we visited four years ago. April of 2015, to be exact. The resort might have changed their amenities and such that I don’t know about. You can visit their website and contact the resort directly instead for questions and more info.

2018 - 01

Happy New Year, everyone!

How did you celebrate the New Year’s? Mine was a simple dinner with my family at around 9 pm because I was already too hungry to survive waiting for 12 am. Then I was jumping up and down by the stroke of midnight (my culture elders believe that when you jump during New Years, you grow taller!!) before I spent the rest of it comforting my dog who got scared by all the noise from the celebrations outside. It was very fun. I was with my family and the food was glorious and that’s all that matters, really.

I started reviewing my 2018 with almost two weeks still left for December. I wanted to get ahead of myself so I can blog about it early before the New Year’s but it only resulted to me sulking around the house for a few days when I realized that I did close to absolutely nothing this year thus producing, yet another, an unproductive and uneventful year. Truthfully, I berated myself for it.

But the funny thing was, the realization of what a good year 2018 was came through a dream I had on the first day of January 2019. It was just a random dream that I barely remember. I was somehow talking to some people in said dream and explaining what I learned in 2018. I (dream 'me') said that it was perspective.

2018 was just like what the past two years have been where I cooped myself up at home surrounded by my highly unhealthy coping strategies: drowning myself with internet memes and films and/or TV, crying to sad songs, and eating my way to diabetes. It is true that my year was uneventful by the standards of grandeur and experiences, mostly influenced by other people’s posts on social media, that I was comparing with which was rather really unfair both for myself and the year I had. I didn’t count the little things, you see? I mean, why should I care about the little things when my friends on Facebook are talking about life changing moments? Who would care for an achievement of being able to dance happily one random night in the kitchen when my batch mates are getting their degrees? What’s being able to laugh wholeheartedly at a funny K-Pop meme video on YouTube when my friends are traveling the world? How would a tiny flicker of hope you felt one moment amount to people your age already getting paychecks and/or working on their dream jobs?

For, yes, 2018 was just like the past two years but I was different. I looked at my days with a different perspective, a more positive and courageous one. I had hope during the most of 2018. I was happy—I tried my best to be happy. I let myself cry a few times because, finally, I accepted that there’s nothing wrong with crying and it doesn’t make me weak. When some days and some people knocked me down, I didn't gave up and picked up my broken pieces again to get back up again with the confidence that maybe one day I could be happy, maybe one day I will not be so broken. I looked at my life and saw a future for myself, one where there’s the best version of myself, happy and contented. I was understanding and kind to people (for everyone is fighting a hard battle) and most especially to myself. And all of these, this new perspective, changed me and made for a very different and improved year.