Remember when I promised to constantly update this space about 2-3 months ago? Well, it didn’t take me long to break said promise now, did I? Whoopsie.

The Excuse — Meet Blink!

I have been sort of busy along with my entire family on changing our routines and adjusting our daily schedules the last month since we got a puppy for my birthday! Yes, that’s right! I (finally) got myself a puppy! And I’m so happy!

I’ve always wanted one since I was a kid. Since our family moved into our current home almost 13 years ago to be more specific. But being an asthmatic (me and my dad, actually) and my mom not letting any pet in our home, I had to endure excruciating years of trying to convince my mom to get a dog and in the meantime, watch videos of cute puppy online. My mom only finally agreed when she was overruled by the majority vote and my dad and I bought a puppy for my birthday last February 19.

Anyway, we got our puppy on the 21st of February. She’s a Havanese and I named her Blink. (There’s nothing special about the name. I just like and found the name cool from the X-Men.) She’s 3 months old now so she’s a bundle of energy and hyperactivity unless she’s asleep. She’s also teething so everyone home is suffering and wearing bite marks. Yay!

It was quite a shock on how huge the adjustments were when we got Blink home, to be honest. I mean, the cute puppy videos don’t tell you how much effort and time you put into getting a puppy! My mom, I swear, was on the verge of a breakdown every day for the first few weeks. I was exerting god-like patience that I didn’t know I had in me, too. Thankfully, we're all well adjusted now and Blink's all settled home. When I think about it, our first month with Blink, it amazes me so much. We were complaining all the time of how tired we all were and how everything was so new all at once but would, also, in a blink of an eye, bow down and give the entire world to our puppy the moment she would look at us with her doe-eyes and cute face.

Currently, we're trying to perfect potty training. (I actually wrote that we've prefected potty training for my draft of this post but we got an accident an hour later *shrugs*) Accidents are almost none and she already knows how to tell us when she needs to go by going to the back door—attacking the back door when she really, really, really needs to go. I’ve also taught her a few tricks that I let her show off whenever there are visitors, winning over more people.

The Truth

But the truth is, it was a conscious choice not to update the blog. Sure, I can’t take my eyes off of Blink even for a second for the last month and it took me away from the computer and writing for my blog… but if I really wanted to, I could’ve. You could say I used my dog as an excuse to escape from writing most of the time. It’s just lately I don’t have anything to write about nor am I confident about my words and sharing my thoughts.

I talked to my official unofficial therapist aka my father about this.

I remember I told him about how I feel stupid for starting a bullet journal with nothing to write about since I don’t have a life and he said that I should write my thoughts, philosophies… my mind instead because that’s just who I am. That comforted me awhile but then I guess I’ve come to a point where my mind is, most of the time, empty. Drained, even. And the little ideas that passes through, I don’t trust nor do I find worthy to be written down, much less shared.

My father said it’s only a matter of confidence and when that one fails you too, “Continue writing, anyway.”

Similarly, when I told him about my idea of sharing film stills on my Facebook and how I was worried of what other will think, if no one will care, he replied, “It’s not about them. It’s about you and what you love. Nothing else matters.”

And so we’re here. I’m not sure if I have any interesting stories to tell or if I have the heart to tell stories but I guess, I have to fake it until I make it.

I realize—and I’m sure you have too if you’ve read my previous posts—that I’ve been saying that over and over again. It has been a repeating theme of my posts: how I feel so lost and have been faking it. I am sorry for my repetitiveness but I’m on a journey. Sometimes, I lose my way and reminders like this help me to get back on track. It has been an ongoing process, a very long process.

And I have to trust it.

See you around next time?
Always, Dems and Blink.

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